Tracie MaeThe headline says it all. Does it make sense to you? Like, I feel like I’m ready to get this whole thing going—get cleaning, take pics, shoot videos, start posting before-and-afters…all that, but there’s something in my head telling me that I’m NOT ready at all.
I once talked to a therapist who told me to consider that I might have a fear of success, she asked what I thought my life would be like if my entire house was clean and I didn’t have that to think about. And I couldn’t even FATHOM what that would be like. This clutter has run in the background of my mind for so long that I don’t even know what would occupy that space if it weren’t there.
Over the years, in therapy I’ve learned that I have a super all or nothing personality. It’s something I’m trying to break myself out of. In my head, if I can’t clean the entire house in one go, I’m not cleaning ANYTHING at all. And that makes sense to me. After I’ve completed a DIY project (or any tough project), I feel so accomplished and proud. Then I find myself chasing that feeling time and time again. If everything was done, what would give me that feeling?
I’m very much an overthinker. I will “forward think” myself out of starting an idea—predicting all of the things that could go wrong. I have to “research” a project until I feel like I’m an expert at it. And even if I feel like an expert, I have to be the expertiest expert in Expertville. LOL.
The mess in my room is overwhelming, but I need to push past it and just start.
